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Weekend Updates (Personal)

The other day, driving home, there was some strange cloud cover. One of the clouds seemed to reach for the ground, pulling away from the cloud bank like taffy. The sun, invisible behind the cloud from where I sat, turned the column into an opaque rainbow. As Kermit says, "rainbows are... only illusions," but this one seemed more real and solid than others. A less pragmatic person might have seen it as a sign of some sort; it was lovely for itself without any portent.

A couple managers found my blog this week (separately and coincidentally). One of them suggested I get a medical note and then could wear my Crocs. I remembered to do that when I called to make an appointment to discuss the possible benefits (and drawbacks) of a reduction. I mentioned that on Reddit and started a controversy I didn't expect. I try to be matter of fact, but the truth is, I get defensive about all this online as well as when dealing with medical professionals. I don't want to be judged by my conditions or other people's assumptions about the ways I deal with them, when all I am doing is what anyone is doing: trying to do my best to get through this life as well as I can.

My leg is finally a little better after the procedure--I have an ache, but not the same level of stiffness and limping on that side. The shoes made a difference, too, I think. Today was movie day again, but we walked to the store for some snacks so we'd at least not totally vegetate for the day. Lord of the Rings: The Complete Extended Trilogy is an interesting marathon if you're a bunch of geek girls who are willing to make slash-fic jokes about the characters. I'm still behind on housework from being a little less mobile than I would have liked this week, but I have Monday, Wednesday, and Friday off this next week, so I will try to catch up on some tidying-up and laundry then.

Some days I'm not feeling it.

The end of last week got weird. I had a lot of calls, a lot of appointments, and a lot of things happening at once (of which nothing has come yet, but that's not the point). One was the patient advocate getting involved. I emailed a history and haven't heard back yet.

I went to the pain clinic dr. on Friday. He did do a shot in L-5:S-1, and to Triwest's credit, it was approved by this morning. I wasn't expecting a shot without Tricare preapproval, so I had to go get things for my husband afterward. By the time I got home, I was pretty swollen and bruised. I still have a pretty serious limp.

I have a new casual diagnosis of osteoarthritis in my fingers. The only "new" option he could suggest was the Black-Box-Warning-Labeled Celebrex, which I am willing to try if a doctor really wants to go there, but with my history of NSAID allergies, I can't even try it when there's no other adult home unless they'd like to monitor me in a clinical setting. What do you do for this without meds? Ice doesn't help with stiffness--it can cause it--but I've been using ice water hand baths when swelling/pain get too bad for some very temporary relief.

Last night I started crying for no really good reason but that I missed my guys and I was in pain and tired and lonely for a bit. Today I'm still feeling rather down.

Like I said, I am still limping, but I did walk up to the post office and then mow the lawn just ahead of it starting to sprinkle out. I could hear but not see the Thunderbirds practicing for the air show all day, but they seem to be done now. Mowing the lawn gives me both a sense of sadness/loss and a sense of accomplishment; on one hand, I am getting things done, and on the other, I hate mowing down wildflowers, which is all dandelions really are. They're pretty and sunny and yellow; what more can you ask? And I think I said before that the better option environmentally would be to leave lawns alone to grow; we'd save a lot of gas nationwide, cut tons of greenhouse gas emissions, and have more naturally-growing plants recycling the air. But rules are rules, you know, so mow I do.

I have a lot more to do here and Friday is movie day again (Lord of the Rings marathon!). Hopefully I'll get this place in shape by then.

Moving

Today's physical activity was yard work. I mowed front and back, considering that if we could all just let our lawns grow, we'd reduce air pollution and help the Earth by the grass's greater ability to recycle the air and pull out excessive carbon. Then, I dug holes around the back fence, filled in other holes, and planted sunflower seeds in the little holes and filled them back in with topsoil and potting soil. I spent about an hour sweating out in the sun (and another half hour hauling trash to the recycling center/trash area). I try to get out and move around on my days off, even though I haven't been able to get myself going fast enough to get to the gym on my work days the last few weeks.

I have an appointment at the pain clinic next week. I don't think the approval in with the insurance will let him give me the lower back shot next week; hopefully it will not take long to get a new appointment for one, as I am starting to have a lot of difficulty walking and driving again. I had to adjust the shoes I was wearing for work. If anyone knows any shoes like Crocs or Okabashis with basically a light foam sole, but with a professional-looking upper, please let me know! It would really help me out.

Anyway, keep on moving, everyone!

Thursday musings

As I got on the highway heading home today, a black Mustang with silver racing stripes got right on my tail. I got over and let the guys by. They were cute and trying to dare me to race them, and I was tempted for a moment but let them pass by. I'm too scared to get a ticket to really let fly.

I castigated myself for a moment for cowardice, then remembered that I had to get some groceries on the way home--just a couple bits--and started mentally composing my shopping list, and singing along to the radio, and thinking about what I need to tell the doctor in two weeks. I'm thinking I will need a shot in my lower back at least; it's getting hard to drive again as that nerve flares up.

The weather was odd today; I'd be in bright sunshine and it would be pouring rain, then under the black clouds it was gloomy but dry.

Anyway, I rounded the bend to North Pole and saw flashing police-car lights. I got over to the left lane and checked my speed--not excessive, though I did slow down a little anyway--then, I realized that the car the policeman had stopped was that same Mustang. Sorry, guys; sometimes, slow and steady does win it.

Oh, hey, looks like Vista SP1 is out. I have some major finance homework to finish tomorrow. Guess I'd better update and get some sleep so I'll be fresh for homework in the morning.

Pains in the something or other

So, yesterday, I walked to the gym. First, the parking lot is under construction, and secondly, I might as well walk, it's only about a mile. Got there, water aerobics were cancelled. I dragged myself out of bed at 0700 for what, now?

Later, I walked to the shopette and back to get some milk and a couple bits, since the commissary is closed on Monday. By last night, that twinge in my lower back was back, and I've had trouble walking today (by which I mean I have a pronounced limp). Called for a referral to the pain clinic, hopefully it won't get too bad before I can get a cortisone shot. I can mostly deal with pain, but it gets hard to drive with that particular pain--the nerve gets all buggered up and my leg doesn't work right. I don't know if it was just "time" for it to flare up, or if I caused it walking somehow. If so, it's got to be a terrain problem; I walk all day at work without screwing myself up.

Anyway, my hubby is now convinced that I need a breast reduction. A lot of the pain I get is in my shoulders and just below the bra strap line. And somehow, in losing weight over the past year I managed to get from 38DD to 36DDD. Well, it's still not as bad as when I was nursing--after a year of that, I was about two cup sizes bigger than this. Anyone have any experience with that? Surgery makes me nervous, seriously. Plus, I sort of identify as being large-breasted. How much would they take off for something like that?

Vacation Ramble

I'm off this week. My mother is in town, and I hadn't seen her in two years. My neck and hands are having bad weeks for swelling and pain--I should call tomorrow and get a referral to the pain clinic for a cortisone shot in my neck where that disc is bad.

So, anyway, I still need to do all my schoolwork for the week. My boss called this morning to let me know that there was a holiday next week he'd forgotten to schedule, so I told him I'd just work the full week and take 8 hours holiday pay as a bonus. We went to the Gold Dredge today, which was really interesting, and stopped at the Pipeline on the way up.

Now, we're watching Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, so I made a decision: when I'm an accountant, I'm going to have a business card made up with the title "Counting Mutant."

Shoes

I must confess, I've never been fond of wearing shoes. I feel better overall and in my feet without, and I'm not convinced of the shoe industry's rhetoric about needing supportive shoes; we've evolved to walk barefoot or with leather moccasins that mold to the feet but are only a protective covering. Surely, doing so does not throw us out of alignment? The flip side of that coin is that we also evolved to walk on ground that was softer to our feet and had some give to it. Concrete sidewalks and hard floors are also of the modern world.

Last week, the day DH left, we went to buy him some walking shoes. The guy at the Athlete's Foot (it's a terrible name for a shoe chain, isn't it?) was very passionate about shoes. His spiel was quite long. But since then, I've been thinking that I should get some better insoles. Actually, I feel better overall when I use the Profoot 2 oz. Miracle insoles; I may just need some new ones, rather than some different ones. Still, since I have to wear shoes, I know that the shoes I wear make a difference in how I feel. The best shoes I've found are Okabashi sandals; real Crocs aren't bad, but watch for knockoffs. But if there are cute shoes you're just dying to wear, or if you can't manage new shoes in your budget right now, try to invest in some decent insoles. It might make a world of difference to you.

I will, however, probably go to Athlete's Foot in a couple weeks to get some sneakers and insoles for walking. Our water aerobics class will be cancelled for the summer while they repair and renovate the pool at the gym, so we're going to meet and walk instead. I have some cheap gym shoes, which are OK for using the elliptical or bike at the gym, but I should probably get some good walking shoes. I thought about getting shoes I could wear to work while I was there, but they only appeared to sell dress shoes for men.

I missed water aerobics today, because I had to be at work early. I did a half-hour on the bike, instead. I wish the seat could be set shorter than ours can--I have to sit at the edge of the seat--but it's still very handy to have as a backup plan.

Good and Bad

I've been in flare this week regarding the pain that is inflammatory, particularly in my fingers and my neck. Still, I've had some OK days when not discussing pain issues. Last weekend, we saw Iron Man (like half the people in this country, right?). My son LOVED it. I loved it, if less. Sometimes, feeling good about something outside makes a day OK. We basically had a party after, playing Scene It and some board games. I can't drink much any more, though some of my friends drank quite a bit (I nursed a banana bread beer, which was pretty good on my stomach, which doesn't tolerate--well, anything much, actually; IBS has taken over my life even more than the FMS, I guess).

Hell is other people...

If you're not feeling sensitive, read this.

I couldn't respond. I'm shaking with anger. Never mind the pain people live with on a daily basis. Never mind that addiction is virtually unknown among people who are actually in pain. We have "AngryPharmacist"s complaining that patients use it as an excuse to take pain medicine--taking pain medicine makes me vomit at least once every couple weeks, but obviously, I'm enjoying the dizziness and nausea because of some theoretical high, and then we have some nurse bitching that the only real "sufferer" she's known must have been suffering because she didn't take real pain medicine, managing with massage and "an occasional Advil."

I self-treated with Advil for a good decade before that allergy took out an entire class of pain medicine. I have obvious inflammation in major areas of my body, and doctors who hear about the pain will dismiss other real issues (the muscle pain is worst? OK, we won't treat the cervical disc disease for now, then) because they'll attribute everything to FMS--who cares if my fingers are stiff and swollen and crack when I use my hands? Obviously, since I have been independently diagnosed with this several times, I made up having pain all over so that I could get Flexeril I can take only at bedtime because it renders me incapable of functioning at all for several hours.

"Are you in any pain today?"

It's such an innocuous question, isn't it? "Are you in any pain today [or "right now"]?" You hear it every time you go to the doctor, or at least I do. I can't remember not being in pain. It's been years if there ever was a time. Right now, my hands hurt, my neck and back hurt, and I have a vague, all-over ache. On top of that, I have a spring cold and/or allergies that have caused a sore throat. A couple hours ago, when the intake nurse at the clinic here asked me if I had any pain right then, all I could say was "no more than usual." Actually, it hurts like hell to walk on my right foot, but as I wasn't walking at the time, it was fine (and it was reasonably OK walking with the surgical padding, anyway). (As a side note, it wasn't a wart at all, thank the gods; just a very nasty splinter that my immune system had pretty much managed to destroy, but there was a pocket left, around which was a great deal of inflammation that made it hurt to walk. I am more than pleased--no liquid nitrogen + no strange skin viruses = happy Jack. To be honest, I can watch surgery more easily than I can deal with the thought of certain skin conditions; warts and ants squick me out seriously).

Anyway, what does a chronic pain patient say to "are you in pain today?" For a checkup or a visit related to the chronic condition, the truth is relevant, but for a specific, acute problem, don't the other pains cloud the issue?

In what other ways do Fibromyalgia and other chronic conditions get in the way of treatment? We don't always respond the same way to medications or treatments; physical therapy and chiropractic care can either do wonders or backfire severely. Doctors may shy away from us entirely, or overprescribe varying protocols and cause medication interactions or overdoses. And gods forbid we go into an office having done our homework or research; in my experience, most doctors hate prepared patients (the good ones don't).

Post a comment below on whether you've ever had pain cloud the issue when you needed a specific problem addressed by your medical provider.

Sacred

Edit: It's not a wart--just a nasty splinter and an overreacting immune system.

So, I have a plantar wart. I had an HPV infection of this type over 20 years ago--my sister and I had warts on our toes, having been infected at the swimming pool by my grandmother's house. Anyway, this time the pool may have been involved again; at any rate, that's where the symptoms started. I thought a rock or splinter may have become embedded in my foot, but when after 3 days it was clear that it wasn't behaving as a splinter (and it hurt like mad to walk, being on the exact spot in the middle of my heel that bears most of my weight when standing or walking), I went to have it looked at. Naturally, the clinic is short providers, so I had to go to urgent care in town; by the time they diagnosed it but couldn't treat it, it was too late for me to get a referral from the clinic, so I have to wait until Monday to get treatment in the works.

The genius doctor assured me that this kind was not contagious or transmissible, but of course, a quick Google assures me that it can be, even if not extremely so. (actually, that link suggests to me that the pool is a likely culprit). Anyway, because it is in a spot that is causing my whole heel to become irritated, I was told that I was under no circumstances to do water aerobics until I get this treated, and I should stay off it as much as possible. Since I work on my feet, that wasn't an option; I asked what else I could do. I have to pad the area as well as possible--this means surgical pads and tape, then thick padded socks, then insoles in my shoes.

I'm generally known for my awesome funky socks. I'm used to new things going wrong with me, well, pretty much all the time. But man, padded, diabetics' socks? Don't mess with my socks. Some things are sacred.