Living (and parking) with an invisible disability

One of the hardest things about living with Fibromyalgia and other chronic pain/fatigue disorders is "You look fine to me" syndrome. This is a syndrome every sufferer of an invisible illness deals with, though the symptoms manifest in our friends, relatives and acquaintances rather than in our bodies.

Many disabilities cause visible physical degeneration or an outward visible sign, such as a wheelchair or leg braces. Many others, however, make it difficult to walk very far or function very long without serious pain or fatigue. Such patients do need some accommodations such as handicapped parking permits or even to sit down and take breaks while doing simple household chores (my father's parents and my ex-husband never lost opportunities to tell me how lazy I was, generally on my worst days, for sitting down for a little while).

I work on my feet for eight hours a day and have done so since I re-entered the workforce five years ago. I push through a lot of pain and fatigue to manage that, and sometimes, all I can do is lie down and cry when I get home. Sometimes my heart pounds at any effort, and I do my best to spend more time doing paperwork or to sit and sort books instead of walking around with them (and I make sure I have my cart to lean on if I need it). Not every person with FMS and/or CFS can do that much. Other disabilities are invisible, too; I have a sister with Pseudotumor Cerebri, and she "looks fine" unless you're close enough to see all the surgery scars on her head, neck, back and abdomen (all covered by hair and clothes) or the LP (spinal tap) scarring on her back from the hundreds of therapeutic spinal taps she's needed between shunts. When she walks far or overheats, her intracranial pressure shoots up, causing her a headache worse than a migraine and threatening her vision. Of course, she "looks" fine, so deserves no accomodation according to people like those who made the comments and "fraud reports" highlighted here.

I haven't had a parking placard in years, and often used a cane back when I did because of pain in my right hip and leg. Cortisone injections in a nerve in my back help this some, but I still limp on that side when the shot starts to wear off. My husband and I both exercise regularly in low-impact environments, and if I can stay on my feet at work, I can more or less make it to the car. But judging others--whose doctors must agree that the accommodation is necessary--is wrong. People with invisible disabilities shouldn't be subject to the stare or rude comments from friends, family, or strangers. I may not look sick, but I feel sick every day of my life.