I'm doing badly this week with pain all over. I managed to convince the doctor to give me Ultram, but somehow, he's convinced that working on one type of pain at a time is the answer, so I did not get the cortisone shot in my neck that I also badly needed on the grounds that the pain in my back is worse. What's that about?
Anyway, like I said, I'm doing badly. I'm a straight A student and pulled Cs or Ds on my quizzes this week. Nearing the end of the class, this is not what I needed. But just getting through work with a back brace and a wrist brace and a pronounced limp is all I can manage, and not even that without crying. I'm not up to my standard in any sense, and the best advice I can get is "keep moving." I'm at the point where my body won't do that, and then what? My wrists and fingers are swollen and my brain is near shutdown. I had to admit that to my manager this week and it's starting to become obvious.
I was going to share the whole rap, but it's explicit content and might offend some. So, an excerpt:
You tell me you know how I'm feelin'
but a friendly hand can send me reelin'
'cause the pain is real, not deep inside
even though the pain I know I'm s'posed to hide
What helps take your mind off the pain when you have a few minutes of down time? Writing? Singing? Music? Besides the angry FMS rap, which hit my brain out of the blue, I bought a Doodle Diary at work. I may doodle with more purpose than the diary assumes, but still, it's soothing (minus the detail that my hands hurt more when I hold a pen--I've had serious hand swelling lately). Meditation, especially water meditation, can also be helpful, though breaking through the pain cycle to reach the right state is difficult on really bad days.May you have a pain-free hour today!
Namaste,
Jack
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