Why we believe

So, I have been thinking a lot on faith. I waver between moderate atheism and a sort of Neopagan/New Age spirituality (my mother had me Christened Episcopal but is religiously New Age, while my father is nominally Baptist and the strongest believer in my family; I attended an Episcopal church as a child and Presbyterian and Salvation Army churches in adolescence and early adulthood); I usually believe there are some sort of spirits or impressions of the dead in the world; experiences of mine and of those whose minds I generally trust at least suggest it to me, and the nature of such observances belies scientific reproducibility. When asked, I affirm that my religion and creed is knowledge in and of all things with a heavy dose of open-mindedness; I believe in learning and acquiring knowledge above all concepts of God. If we all truly knew each other, maybe we wouldn't need to be afraid of each other. People don't want to know, though, because they fear that they will find within themselves aspects of that which they believe is away from God. They need their concepts of God because they have been taught to fear, that freedom is only in believing and in that one concept of the hereafter and the spiritual.

I thought I didn't get it, but then, an Accu-SPINA™ ad came on. My back and neck have been hurting badly. Nothing helps. Well, actually, wearing a full corset helps slightly with the mid-back pain, but I need someone to help me get it on. Any other help dulls my mind more than is acceptable or makes me sleep; nothing I can take when I need to be functional helps. So, anyway, I saw the chiropractic ad. First, a chiropractor screwed up my neck pretty badly when I was ten or so; my parents took me to anyone who might help when I suffered whiplash after a school bus accident. The best help then was biofeedback and strong Motrin; for milder pain, I still get some help from meditation, though anti-inflammatories are unfortunately a path closed to me now. Secondly, I've had a couple other close friends and relatives messed up by chiropractic treatment, and thirdly, the time I did go back to a chiropractor as an adult, the genius kept using a percussion hammer on/near FMS tender points. In general, the evidence I've seen shows that most chiropractic medicine is useless at best and dangerous quackery at worst. This abstract suggests that the evidence for spinal decompression therapy specifically is skimpy.

I know all this; the procedure would not be covered by Tricare, so would cost a lot for little to no likely benefit. Still, when I saw the ad, I thought, "you know, I should look into that." Then I thought about it; as the logical part of my brain kicked in, I had a minor epiphany. I wanted badly to believe it might work, because while most of the time I get by because I have accepted that I will always be in pain and resolved to do my best anyway, sometimes, it's scary. I want to believe in anything that will make things better.

Maybe that's why so many of us want to believe in other things, too. Because the idea of nothing is scary, and because when we face death and sorrow, it hurts, and we need to believe that there's Something out there that makes it better.